


Discourse on Methods of Painful Loving

by totallynotnatalie



Category: GWA - Fandom, Original Work, gonewildaudio - Fandom
Genre: 19 Century Banter, Choking, Countdown, Existential, F/M, First Time, Historical, L-Bombs, Loving in Pain, Marriage Proposal, Period Accurate Dialogue, Realistically Romantic, Vaginal Fingering, Victorian, Vulnerability, Wanting to Hurt, lots of build up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28342353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotnatalie/pseuds/totallynotnatalie
Summary: In this script, the performer and listener grew up together. He grew up jealous of his older brother and she grew up in the shadow of her step-sister. However, as they grew up, they both became their own person. He is now a scientist at a nearby university although he still comes home often. Originally, the performer was set to marry the listeners' step-sister but she decided to marry another. During this time, the performer realizes his affections for the listener and does his best to explain to her that his change of heart is more than a matter of mere convenience.
Relationships: M4F - Relationship
Kudos: 8





	Discourse on Methods of Painful Loving

**Author's Note:**

> This is a script for the GWA subreddits. Please contact me before posting a recording of this work anywhere else.
> 
> This content is intended for 18+ audiences only.
> 
> Feel free to modify the script to meet your needs.

[M4F] [Script Offer] Discourse on the Methods of Painful Loving [MDom] [Victorian] [Realistically Romantic] [Loving in Pain] [Existential ][Wanting to Hurt] [Vunerability][Fingering] [Choking ][Countdown ][L-Bombs [19th Century Banter] [Kissing][Lots of Build Up][ First Time][ Marriage Proposal] [Historical] [Period Accurate Dialogue]

Setting Notes: This is Victorian England with a little poetic license. However, I think that any accent can work with this script.

Character Notes: The character is a nerdy scientist who grew up knowing the listener's family. He was often jealous of his brother and she was often in the shadow of her step-sister.  
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Then I assume you have nothing to say? 

Well, after twenty minutes of silence, I hardly think it an untoward assumption. And, if your tongue is so lacking, then I best take my leave of you. My mind is best spent on matters of scientific discovery rather than the heart of a creature as fickle as yourself. The former at least provides a proper methodology while you defy all truth of reason. Your words might provide some sense of clarity, yet I suspect that you will deny me that as well. 

The sensible consequence then is to bid your farewell. If I were to do so, then we might still know each other in politeness if never in true understanding. Perhaps, that is the solution that you prefer. It would certainly be an elegant ending to this entire affair, and one provides you with every means of denial were any to ever question the possibility of your affection for me. 

Words would not be so gone from you then. You might simply claim that you indulged my proposal for the exact length of this conversation, yet rejected it for every reason that your eyes have given me in your silence. 

I require none of your eloquence to aid that regard. As tactfully as you might state such matters, my heart already rehearsed every detail over a dozen times on the way over. It ached over its choice of your step-sister. It regretted not realizing our compatibility sooner. It yearned to tell you the truth of my feelings. Yet it offered no elucidation on how I might respond to your reply nor did it anticipate your lack of contention. 

I had expected your ire. That much would have been logical. Yet your silence, while I cannot in good conscience call it irrational given your circumstance, vexes me far more than your censor might. 

Were to you rebuke me, I might at least respond in kind. I might tell you that my intentions with your step-sister were mere matters of convention. She was a sensible choice. Unlike you, she was properly educated and properly funded. I was only following in the manner of my circumstances. I hardly think that you might blame me for such a choice. As fickle as I'm told are the hearts of women, I know your mind to be sound. You never expected any of better of me nor have you ever hinted that you might want for our intimacy to grow in a manner not keeping with your social class. 

So if you are to be silent now, I doubt it would be spurred from any romantic notions. You were never frivolous enough to idolize such economic relations. After all, true love is ever more often found in homes with fed stomaches than drunk eyes. You would say as much if you dared to speak. Yet since you will not, I might let my own tongue echo what I know yours comprehends. 

But if it is not practicality that leaves you quiet, then I wonder if your concern might be of the more moral variety. You might think my own nature impure if my reasoning for such a switch in longings were to be corrupted by idle affairs. This would be much more in keeping with your own character as I have always known you to be of a nobler spirit. 

And, if that is your objection, I cannot claim that I am as half as virtuous as yourself. However, I can at least attest that my motivations in breaking my prior engagement were done without regard for your sister's fibs and wondering eyes. My heart simply changed its affinities from her to someone who I might have once overlooked. 

And, in truth, I detested it for its rashness. And, in all honesty, I might have ignored it had your sister not seen fit to marry another. Our partnership still would have been a practical choice if not a romantic one. After all, love is hardly needed for happiness. We would have lived finely. 

I say none of this to implore your envy. Merely so that you might know that my reasoning bares nothing of some tragic hero. I seek not the kind of affection that infatuation brings nor would I expect any sort of impulsivity from you. However, if your silence is not to be broken, then I might at least explain my change in disposition. 

The truth of the matter is that I do love you, dear, although it might not be love often spoken about in novels. I did not lfeel it at first glance or even through charms-no matter how much I might adore them now. It was rather a matter of perseverance and perhaps self-understanding. 

Oh, if my words might bring coherence, I do wish that they would choose now. 

Look, you knew me when I was younger. Back when jealousy never left my eyes. I used to detest my older brother, I'm sure that you remember. His talents were so natural and so numerous. He excelled at academics, athletics, everything. I could hardly bear it. I spent nearly all my childhood longing to be as great as him, wish I had nearly half of his abilities. 

Yet as we aged, the gap between us grew smaller. Although I never grew in natural ability, my endurance matched his genius. And eventually, I outpaced him. At least in academics, my achievements have surpassed his. For a time, I felt nearly smug about it even if I realized that it was petty. 

However, I speak of it now not to maintain any sense of superiority. Admittedly, my resentment makes me all the less admirable than anything my academic achievement my inspire. Yet, although such muses hardly my conscious more appealing, I hope that they serve as a proper analog for my affections. 

Through such shallow reflections, I have since come to realize that exertion creates such wondrous understanding that innate talent, even will all its incendiariness, cannot. True meaning comes only the patience that time is willing to bring. It demands no specialty of constitution and asks for no hero to ever tame it. It is simply there for those who are willing to strive to know and keep its secrets.

I know that I do not need to convince you of the truth of my utterances. You have already known the veracity long before I. Our circumstances were similar yet yours perhaps far worse. Your step-sister grew up rich. You did not. She received such attention that you were denied. Yet never once did you admit any bitterness on the matter. You have always acted with such propriety and made the best out of any circumstances that you were given. I could call it admirable yet such praises are better left to schoolmasters than partners. 

And, as such, it is judgment and not affection. I wish how I could explain how such an assessment gave into passion yet that pilgrimage is entirely inaccessible. I cannot describe it otherwise than a newfound glimpse into a soul that I had never truly known. Yet now I dare to say I do. I know you. Even in the quiet, I see what phrase you dare not speak. And I see the pain that you have come to understand. 

You need not hide it. It is not sinful. Any poet would tell you that life gives suffering and suffering gives life. While I claim no such trite summations, I will at least suggest that you might know a simple reality better than most-life is unfair. The world, for all its kindness, rarely sees fit to distribute its benefits equally. Some will always have more and some less. It is as certain as tomorrow's dawn and we must accept it. At least, that is all we're ever taught. To speak of such pain only hardens our spirits and leaves us wanting. l

And yet, when I look into your eyes I cannot help but wonder why you should ever deny yourself such a reality. I would never wish for you to undergo it. However, it is inevitable that you must so why should anyone deny you the means to explain it? Those who do I suspect wish not for your happiness, but only to continue their own blissful ignorance. But the true cruelty of the whole affair is far worse, it is the true meaning of your silence. Any sound that you make would be but noise as any understanding is entirely inexpressible. They cannot know your lacking nor your longing, no matter how you might phrase it. 

As much as I wish, I cannot claim to know it either. I feel the words in your silence but I can never know their depths. Thus, I cannot stop the sheer inescapability of your existence as I only claim to know its likeliness through my own inevitability. But nothing more. It is a distance that none can fully bridge. Yet it remains in this space that I find that my love for you blooms. It was never from your smile, although when true, I have grown to become delighted in its shine. It was always from the sadness from which you let any happiness grow. 

And I will hope every day for that smile. But it is not the you that I most long to know. I seek to walk the world with someone who might sometimes see it as broken and who might not step back from the rawness of mere being. I crave someone who might admit that pain yet somehow still allow themselves to know both joy and anguish. I crave someone who might dare to let me see the finality of their yearning for something, for anything. Quite simply, I crave you. Just as you are. I crave the depth of your humanity and wish to know you not only in happiness but in truth. I want to know that mangled reality that holds you together. For, I love it far more than I could ever love a masking grin. 

Those are my terms. As ineloquently as they might be stated, I hope that they have brought you understanding. I am afraid that I cannot offer more. The rest is entirely inexpressible and any further comparisons are beyond me. But such is my love. It is not like fairy tales. I cannot offer you a happy ending, but I might still offer you my heart. I can only offer it with brokenness, one that I know you understand in meaning and not in depth, yet it would still be yours to hold. And we could walk together as let the world come to us as it might, both in delight and in sorrow. And I promise that I should never demand than that you should see the web that reality weaves, assess it as you wish, and share its equalities with someone who also knows their fickleness. 

I can offer this and nothing more. If you desire more, then speak now and I shall take my leave of you. 

(pause)

And yet you still will not utter a word. What more might I consider, dear? My explanations have grown tired. Can you not give an answer? I am more than willing to work for your affections, yet a less of a gentleman might have demanded a response and I would lying if I was not so tempted. 

Or perhaps, that is what you wish. Did I not just see your eyes spark? 

I'd be careful, dear. If you have understood my meaning, then you must know it now. I wish to love you in all your sadness and vulnerability however it is given-whether by suggestion or by force. If you will allow it, then it will be mine. 

All mine.

Still, no words but those eyes still tell my secrets. If my candor does not entice you, then let my actions guide your tongue. I know wants and I can give you pleasure and suffering in equal measures. 

As you long for...

*kiss*

And if you truly wish for me to break you then you will give into my demands. I will not yet ask for your speech as I believe that I will earn your tears in short manner. Yet you will admit your passions in partake in them. That much is unquestionable. Nod for me. Tell me that this is what you want. 

Good girl. Now, if you will not speak, perhaps I had better start by taking your breath. 

*kiss* 

Feel my fingers around your throat, darling? 

Remember, you must nod. I will not accept pure silence any longer. 

Yes, there. Feel them tightening? 

And loosening? 

Remember to nod. 

Good girl. In a moment, they will do more they tighten. They will cut off your airway and you will not be able to gasp. You will be under my total control. But you must trust me. I do not wish to harm you. I simply wish to remind you of your own vulnerability if not give it all to me. Understood? 

Then nod and I will begin. 

Good girl. Do not struggle. You must remain in your place. 

Stay. Let yourself feel how defenseless you are beneath my grasp. 

Complete under my control. 

(pause)

Until I finally let you breathe again. 

Good girl. Take in the air. Let it clear your head. You will only have a few moments. 

Yes, I intend to choke you again. 

Ah, if you protest then you will have to speak and I will have won. 

*kiss*

Better. Now, be a good girl and nod that you want it. 

Very well and I want no struggling this time. Understood?

Good then on my ready?

Yes, that's it. Take it. 

And remember to keep still. 

Good. Just a few moments longer. 

Right, on the count of ten...

One 

Two 

Three

Remember, no struggling. 

Four 

Five

Almost there. 

Seven 

Eight 

You're safe. I've got you.

Nine 

Ten. 

And breathe. 

Again. You need to take it in. 

Good girl. 

*kiss*

But still no tears. Such a pity. Whatever shall we do? 

Well, I can hardly expect an answer from such a silent creature. Yet I may have a few particular ideas. Oh, there are many ways I can make you feel vulnerable, love. 

*kiss*

And so much innocence that I might take. 

And I do want all of it, but perhaps we might start by undressing you. 

No, keep your hands away. I can manage a corset well enough on my own. And you must remember that I am to remain in control. 

(pause)

See? The deed is easy enough when one obeys. Now step out of your dress and come here to me. 

Good but I expect a nod before touch you.

Thank you, dear. 

*kiss*

And, while you are a clever girl, I suspect that you never felt the need to have your finger wander too far. 

Shake your head. 

Good. Well, you shall not be untouched for me longer. 

Do you feel my hands sliding down your stomach? 

Yes, in a moment, they will touch where you are most sensitive, but you must resist squirming. I want for you to feel the intensity of the pleasure. I want to you feel all of it even if it is entirely overwhelming. It is yours and you grow to know it. Understood?

Good. Then wrap your arms around me and hold on tightly. 

As I touch you for the first time...

How does that feel, darling? 

Mhmm...I think that I might have heard a gasp escape those lips. A small one but it was enough. 

*kiss*

Enough to make me want more. 

And enough to make me move my fingers a little faster. Just to tempt you. 

Just a little faster...

Mhmm, still no noise yet I can see you shaking. 

And I can feel you growing wet. 

Is the pleasure so intense, love? 

Is too much for you?

No. No, moving away. 

You must let yourself feel it. That is an order. 

You heard me and you will obey. 

Yes, you must. Keep still. 

Darling...

*sigh*

Very well, if you do not want my touch then you will not have it. 

Not even a graze. 

Ooh, was that a whine? Perhaps, you might even be willing to ask for what you crave. Or are we still stubborn? 

*kiss*

Very well, I suppose that I will just have to stand here and hold you as you feel your warm cunt start to throb...as blood rushes down to your nether regions making you all warm and tingling...as you crave that which you never knew that you wanted but now deeply deeply long for...as your body grows hot with excitement...as you do everything in your power to keep from crying out for more. 

*kiss*

But I want you to cry, love. I want you to cry so badly. I want tears to wash down your face as you scream with desire and moan in frustration. 

I want to you break for me. I want you to break in my arms. And when I move my fingers back, that is exactly what you will do. Is that clear? 

Then, for once in however many moments, said it. Say how much you want me. Say how much you crave me. And tell me how much you somehow love me in all my messy brokenness. 

You will tell me. I need to hear it. 

Say it. 

(pause)

And never sweeter were any words. However frantic they might be, they make my heart leap. And since they have been spoken, you shall have your reward. 

*kiss*

Although be warned, it will come with those tears that I ever so long to see. You can be assured of that. 

*kiss*

For, this time you will know even more pleasure and even greater intimacy. After all, my fingers no longer aim to tease. They aim to penetrate. 

And you will not deny them. 

Spread your legs for me. 

Good girl. You may feel a prick at first but pleasure is sure to follow. 

As you are wet and eager to take me. 

And I will not let you squirm away this time. This ecstasy you must come to know. 

And I will give it to you. 

As I let my fingers know you for the first time. 

As I let them slide up and down...slowly making you wetter and wetter. 

As I discover every way to make you gasp. 

And I want to know all of them. 

*kiss*

And know all of you. Everything that makes you tremble. 

*kiss*

Or squeal. 

*kiss*

Or bite your beautiful lips. 

And I want you to be mine. All mine. 

I want you to give yourself to me. 

*kiss*

In your rawness. In your passion. 

I wish to know it. I wish to know it a thousand times over.

So give it to me, darling. Give it to me now. 

Remember you must obey. 

You must because you are mine. 

*kiss*

So, you will give it to me on the count of ten. 

Yes, you will. 

Do not think. Allow yourself to feel. Let the pleasure take over you. 

On the count of ten. 

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

That's it. Nearly there, dear. 

8

Come on. 

9

Come on. 

10

Now. Give into it. Give into it. 

Oh, yes. yes. There is a dear. 

Feel it. Do not hold back, love. 

Oh, such a good girl. 

Ah, and there are those tears. Almost a shame that I had to wait so long to see them although well worth this wait. 

No, shhh. It is nothing to be ashamed of, darling. I am ever more honored that you would share your sorrow with me.

*kiss*

And your joy. I cannot know either but I shall protect both. It shall protect for as long as you'll have me. Although, I do believe that you owe one last answer. Now that you are so willing to speak, tell me, is the answer yes? 

*kiss*

Wonderful. Then for tonight at least, we might let our world hold happiness rather than sorrow.


End file.
